Emma’s 9 Point Guide - What NOT to Do If You Meet a Space Alien

Hey guys, I don’t know why, but Nita, Leena and Roxy are always saying, ‘Earth to Emma’.  I’m think it must be because I know so much about outer space and space aliens so I’m going to share some of that info with you now. First up, to get to our planet the space aliens have to travel in their UFOs for many light years.  Now a light year is like a regular year only with fewer calories.  We know this because the space aliens are all extra-terrestrials not extra-cholesterols.  And we also know that the space aliens don’t cook on their UFOs otherwise they’d be called Unidentified Frying Saucers not Unidentified Flying Saucers! 

Anyway, there are eight main planets in our solar system: Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus and Neptune – but not Pluto.  Scientists say Pluto is only a dwarf planet but that’s silly.  Everybody knows he’s Mickey Mouse’s dog!  But space aliens probably don’t come from any of these planets.  Actually, I’m not really sure where they do come from, but here’s what NOT to do if you meet one.

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1       Don’t say, ‘What on Earth are you doing here?’  It makes them feel unwelcome and making a space alien feel unwelcome isn’t good for your health!

2       Don’t try and shake hands with a space alien – it’s probably got tentacles and would rather hug you to death!

3       Don’t waste time offering a space alien a Mars Bar in a desperate attempt to make it feel at home and not eat you – just run!

4       Don’t tell a hungry space alien that it can’t eat ‘til launch time.  It can eat anytime it wants just so long as it doesn’t eat you!

5       Don’t try to trick a space alien into going away from outside your house by saying, ‘Oi, you can’t park your UFO here.  You need to    go and find a parking meteor.’ You’ll only make it mad because, after flying across the galaxy the last thing an alien needs is to have a  problem parking!

6       Don’t tell a thirsty space alien that it can get a drink at the space bar on your computer because it won't swallow that!

7       Don’t offer it your smart phone to call home because it’ll cost you a fortune!

8       Don’t ask a robot space alien if it shaves with a laser blade.  You’ll make it foam at the mouth!

9       Don’t ask a space alien from Saturn to give you a ring sometime.  It might just do that and you’ll have nowhere to put it!

Peter Richardson